Absolutely Impossible
by Invader Gilly
Summary: As the gods are being recalled to Olympus, one demigod is charged with a near impossible task - waking up Dionysus in time for the meeting. ONESHOT


**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO.**

_I hate my life_, I thought miserably as I trudged up the stairs of the Big House.

_Hate is a strong word, though_, my optimistic side chirped. _How many people can say that they were tasked with awakening a Greek god?_

"Not many," I mumbled aloud. "They're probably all incinerated."

Of all people, why _me_ did Chiron choose to wake up Mr. D for the meeting? Honestly, I don't care how important it was, everyone knows that Dionysus never got up early. Was it 'pick on the newbie' day or something?

I had been at Camp Half Blood for about a month, and had been surprised to learn that my mother was Tyche, goddess of chance. Well, not that surprised. I'd always had a way with games of chance.

Being here only a month, I was the newest member of Camp Half Blood. I had been claimed late, too. I was sixteen, but the monsters didn't really care about me because Mom isn't a major deity.

Unlike the one whose bedroom door I'm standing in front of right now. The one who just happens to be the one that I was fascinated with in third grade.

When I was a kid, I loved Greek mythology, which is just kind of a sick joke now. Dionysus was the one god who interested me the most, which just came back to bite me in the ass when I first came to camp. Ugh, I shudder at the memory.

Him, sitting at the table. Me, shaking like a leaf after the orientation film. Chiron, trying to keep the peace.

"_You're – you're saying Mom was a goddess?"_

"_Mmh."_

"_Well, who was she?"_

"_Can't say." Mr. D was obviously bored, shuffling his playing cards._

_I brought out my Susan B. Anthony coin and started flipping it – a nervous habit. Chiron stared._

"_Tell me child, what side, heads or tails?"_

"_Huh?" I asked, and then looked at the coin. "Heads."_

_It came up heads._

"_The next is heads, too."_

_It was._

_Fifteen times I guessed the right answer before the emerald green aura engulfed me and I was proclaimed a child of Tyche._

"_Go on then," the god of wine said. "Off to your silly cabin, Felicity."_

"_My name's Faith…"_

"_Whatever."_

He promptly ignored me after that.

But here I was, standing in front of a purple door with the large DO NOT ENTER sign.

Should I knock?

I did. Thrice. No response.

My hand shook on the door knob. The door creaked open a millimeter.

"Mr. D?" I squeaked out. As I caught sight of the room, my breath was taken away. Literally. The place reeked of grapes.

The wallpaper was a hideous grapevine pattern, and directly across from the door was a twin bed covered in dark purple sheets where lay a certain wine god, who – might I add – was a very loud snorer.

"Uh… Mr. D?" I said again, my voice down to its normal octave.

No response. I contemplated poking him, but I realized I didn't want to die. Instead, I just stood over his bed and watched him like a mute idiot.

In his sleep, he had a bit less control over his form, and he looked more like the Dionysus from the original Greek myths – a handsome young man with cherubic features and numerous smile lines. Now _this_ is how I'd always pictured him.

Of course at the exact moment I was ogling him, my mouth half open, he took that moment to snap open his eyes and seize me around the neck.

"What – are – you – doing – in – my – ROOM!"

His features gradually shifted till he wasn't the angelic Dionysus; just an angry Mr. D in purple boxers.

"Chiron wanted you." I managed to gasp out. "Big – meeting downstairs."

His grip loosened. "Meeting?"

I swallowed. "Zeus sent word – recalling the gods to Olympus."

He let me go completely and I slid to the floor.

No word was spoken as he struggled into a bathrobe and stomped downstairs.

I slowly got up from the floor and almost jumped out of my skin as Mr. D poked his head back in the room and said:

"If you ever do that again, I'll destroy you."

I didn't doubt it.

**A/N: Meh, I felt like doing a silly one-shot. This obviously takes place a bit before The Lost Hero. Mr. D was always one of my favorite characters and this story popped into my head the other day. Kind of weird, but I enjoyed writing it. Review, please! :) **


End file.
